50 Shades of Grey; The Review (according to PMac)
So, in I went in the hope of seeing some bold sex (may as well be honest!) but ended up sitting through the most boring, wooden (not the right kind) and far-fetched pile of arse I’ve ever seen.
Big shout out to the woman at the back of the cinema who narrated the entire film while whooping loudly at any hint of "the bit of sex" - although she did get a GENUINE laugh from me when, after Christian had tied up, whipped and had sex with Anastasia, he carried her to bed and went to hop in beside her (for a cuddle) - and Loudmouth Giddypants at the back screamed "Not tonight love, I'm bleedin' WRECKED I am!".
Jamie Dornan looks like he's losing the will to live more and more as the film goes on - his complete disdain for Dakota Johnson (who is abysmal as Anastasia Steele) becomes more and more apparent, and you can almost hear him inside his head; "Why couldn't Scorsese have called? Why is THIS my ticket to Hollywood?"
Here’s the 2-minute review as relayed to Iano this morning:
ALSO: I'm aware I said "she's doing a friend for a favour" insead of a "favour for a friend." I have my dunce hat, I'll retire to the corner.
