Our resident agony aunt Niamh Fitzpatrick joins us every week to give listeners advice on a whole range of problems.
This week, Niamh helped someone who has become disheartened as they search for a new job.
Dear Neil and Niamh,
I am out of work a few months now and it’s really affecting me personally. I love working and have always worked really hard, so I suppose I am harboring feelings of failure and disappointment. I have always been very self-aware and I can see how much my confidence has been knocked and it’s becoming more and more challenging as time goes on to avoid becoming paranoid and down. I am really giving job hunting efforts 100% but I am feeling lost. It feels like my career plan has gone up in smoke and if I am completely honest, I feel angry because I worked way too hard to be here. I have no money for nights out and lunch catch ups so it can become isolating and boring. I know I need to be dishing out positive vibes to the universe to be landing a job that excites me but I feel like I've lost my spark. I love what I do but it's very tough to get a job in the area I want to work in and I am at a cross roads between "hang in there, there’s something amazing just around the corner" and "give it up, sell out and just take a job for the money and get your excitement elsewhere". Thanks for your help.
Niamh's Advice:
Work gives us a sense of purpose, lets us make a difference, earn money, and also feel connected. You feel like you have lost your spark and that’s because you have lost these benefits that work gives us and some of your spark went with them. That’s understandable, but the key is recognise that your current situation is temporary. We just need to ensure that you are going about this job search in the most effective way possible.
First, getting a job in the area you want to work in may be tough, but it is not impossible. Consider the following to ensure that you are giving yourself the absolute best chance of success:
- Do you know which employers are actually hiring in this area?
- Do you know exactly what these employers are looking for?
- Who is getting the roles that you are not successful in?
- Are there gaps between what those who get hired have and what you have? If so, how can you bridge those gaps?
- Are you getting to the interview stage or not getting past the initial application stage?
- Depending on which one applies, where can you get assistance to bring your skill level up, either in your application or interview?
- What’s your plan B? Is there an alternative area of work that may not be your number one choice but that is also not going to the other extreme of choosing a job only for the money
Next, we need to look at your thinking, because whilst it is wholly understandable that you would be feeling disheartened, disillusioned and angry, it’s important that you don’t let those feelings influence your thinking and mindset. For example, you say that you feel like your “career plan has gone up in smoke”, but that mindset is generating a drop in your mood. A more useful way to look at this would be to see it as a temporary setback rather than an end to your career plan, that it is unfortunate but it’s a semi colon rather than a full stop. Your email suggests that you may be an ‘all or nothing’ kind of thinker (even the ‘workaholic’ part suggests this), so we need to adjust that. In times of difficulty, if you can’t make it better (i.e. undo you being out of a job) then at least don’t make it worse (assuming that this is the end of your career).
Then, talk to family and friends and tell them that you are finding it very difficult and that you would really appreciate their support. This is about feeling connected, not feeling isolated. Real relationships are not about expensive nights out, they are about being there for one another in the good times and the bad. This is a difficult time for you and some support will help you through it, so ask for it. The Cycle Against Suicide tag line doesn’t only apply to depression and suicide, it is applicable to all emotional states – “It’s Ok to Not Feel Ok” and “It’s Absolutely Ok to Ask for Help”. You have come to us for help so take that advice now and go a step further and ask your family and friends for help also.
Next, be sure to practice excellent self-care - fresh air, exercise, good food, sleep, rest etc – all will help nourish you to enable you to handle the stress of this challenging time.
Finally, consider doing a piece of volunteering work. This will benefit you in several ways:
- Helps you do some good and feel that you are making a difference.
- Gives you a break from job-hunting.
- Provides you with a purpose other than job-hunting.
- Builds your skillset (people and other skills).
- Gives you additional connections in being part of a team.
- Shows you other people’s perspective (you aren’t the only one with challenges)
Rather than dishing out positive vibes or hanging on to see if something good comes around the corner, consider the advice above and review in four weeks and see where you are and how you feel.
For an appointment with Niamh, go to niamhfitzpatrickpsychology.ie. You can send your problems to her by emailing problem@todayfm.com
