The biggest festival of the year is kicking off today...not Electric Picnic, but LISDOONVARNA! 60,000 singletons will descend upon Co Clare over the next month at the famous match-making festival, and we decided to give advice to anyone going.
Be glued to your phone the whole time, dates love that. Also, talk about how fat you are. And make sure you get extremely drunk; nothing says charm and “marry me” like someone who is half-battered at the table across from you.
Use cheesy and filthy lines like “is that a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pants”
These are foolproof ways to get a second date, honestly! Cough. The listeners of the Early Breakfast also had lots of stellar advice; check these out:
- “Paula, I recommend constantly being on your phone, not just texting but taking phone calls over lunch. ON A FIRST DATE. Happened me 6 years ago...I married him!” - Maria, Cork
- “Hi Paula, make sure you get really really drunk and have to carry them home to their parents, age 30.”
- “An acquaintance of mine when asked what he does for a living used to say "I'm an amateur gynaecologist. I don't know much but I'll have a look" - cringey but fun watching him getting shot down!” - Anonymous
- “Hi Sweetpea – best advice I got was be yourself. I can't even stand myself how is anyone else going to like me?” - Larry
- “Paula, I know a guy who said to a date I really enjoy the gym, you should think of going too. She said are you calling me fat? and then slapped him!” - Andy
- “Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes? Do you have a band-aid? (No,why) Because I just scraped my knee falling for you!” - Shane
- “Be horrible to them. It shows you like them!”
- “Be really, really rude to wait-staff Paula. It shows confidence!”
- “Don’t offer to pay or split the bill Paula. It shows you won’t be walked all over (been on so many dates where I have been expected to pay the full thing...and I’m a girl who dates guys!”
- “Talk about your job the while time, especially when you do something really boring that involves numbers!”
- “Talk about your ex the whole time Paula, it demonstrates what you expect them to live up to.”
- “Guys, always open the top 3 buttons on your shirt and wear a big gold chain. Then give her a good slap on the arse when you meet first. Girls love it!” – Wexford James
- “Morning Paula, Feel free to eat off your date's plate when she's a bit slow finishing up! 8 years later my wife still slags me for that. But, you know, start as you mean to continue!” - Conor
- “Paula make sure you’re wearing crocs, show them who’s boss!”
- “Make sure you haven’t showered that day, or even week....or month. This shows your non-conformity to society.”
- “Paula I had a friend who was bringing a girl to a family wedding and when meeting her mother for the first time she asked is it not traditional to give the mother chocolates when meeting for the first time to which my friend responded I was under the impression that you were on a diet. So, always be rude to and about parents!” - Mick in Laois
- “Pick your nose and show it to her she'll love it Paula!”
- “Make sure you don’t tip Paula because it’ll show them you have more money to spend on them
- “Ask her how is her belly for a lodger!”
- “Hey Paula - bad dating advice. 1. Always flirt with the waitress 2. Smell like cow shit girls love that!” - John in Cork
- 'Morning Paula. The first time I cooked for my girlfriend, I asked her how many chips she would like lol she still slags of about it 10 years on!" - Dave the van man
- “Say on the first date that you'll have to go back to hers as cant can't go back to yours because your wife will go spare!” – Dave
- “When guilted into buying your date a street rose on a night, it's important to haggle for the best price.... she will never let me live that down!” - Alan in Sligo
- “Hi Paula, a man should always tell his new date exactly why he needs to go to the toilet and then say out loud you'd wanna give that 10minutes when he returns.” - Brian, Cork
- “Paula a guy introduced himself to my sister by saying you look fat in that top. She married him!! He's still as charming!” - D
- “Hi Paula, on the first date after the meal you always say will you get the bill I'm waiting to get me dole on Monday I'll fix ya up then” - Michael in Waterford
- “Talk about marriage from the get-go Paula. Fellas love that!” - Aine
- “Paula, talk about yourself the whole time and ask them no questions at all, they’ll love that!”
- “Ask her would she go halves on a child” - Michael Mayo
- “Best advice is to ask her for a recent picture of her mother. Tell her we will look good when you’re old” - Declan from Monaghan
- “Paula there's a tea dance in Laois, won't say where, my parents in law go and there's an elderly man who asks potential girlfriends for a dance, if "you're in" he gives you a small bag of Maltesers from a multipack to give you the nod. Romance is alive and well lol!” - Niall in Tipp
- “Be really late Paula, it’s good to show them you’re worth the wait”
