In India, 2 police officers have been arrested because 220 thousand gallons of alcohol has gone missing. 220 thousand gallons. Gone missing.
The alcohol had been confiscated and was in police custody...until it mysteriously disappeared. The police officers in question maintain that rats drank it. Rats managed to gnaw their way through the bottle caps, drink all the alcohol and then head to the bottle banks to get rid of the evidence. Amazing!
As far as excuses are concerned, there are some crackers out there - have a read of the listeners of the Early Breakfast and the lies...I mean, excuses, they've heard over the years.
- “Hi Paula when I worked in the States, I worked in HR and a few years ago it was warmer than usual (so it was absolutely boiling out.) Well I came in, listened to the answering machine and this girl, as brazen as you like "hey, I won’t be in to work today. It’s way too nice out, my friends and I are going to the beach. See you tomorrow!" Well, needless to say when she came in the next day she didn't have a job because going to the beach was not an acceptable reason to be absent. Lots of other people just lied about being sick that day, why couldn’t she just have done that?!” – J in Limerick
- “My dog once legitimately ate my homework. My only mistake was telling the truth.”- John en route to the gym
- “A co-worker who was always late came in one day and said she was late because she forgot to reset her clock to accommodate daylight saving time. Fair enough... but it was October so she actually would have been an hour early. Dope!”
- “I once got a job AND joined a club when I was in college to convince this girl "I don't have time for a girlfriend". Normally I wouldn't go to such lengths for a lie but she lived near me and I’m normally such a yes person.” – K in Cork
- “I hate crying. Whenever anyone sees me crying and asks why, I reply "No, I am not crying! I am just cleaning my eyes..." - Claire
- “Paula I’m a teacher and I did my training in a rural area – young fella comes in and says a GOAT ate his homework. He lived on a farm so I couldn’t really accuse him of lying...made me howl though.”
- “Paula I am also a teacher and one of the best and most brazen excuses was given to me recently; I didn’t do my homework because I didn’t feel like it. Can’t argue with that kind of honesty to be fair. Certainly better than the best excuse I ever got from an 8-year old who didn’t have her maths homework done. She told me she did it but thought it was wrong so rubbed it out. That kid is going places!”
- “Paula, in secondary school I had a teacher who had to apologise to a student because her puppy ate his homework while she was correcting it. She had sello-taped the pieces back together before returning it.” - Claire about to go out for a run!
- “Paula I asked a girl out recently, thinking we were flirting at work. Asked her if she wanted to go for a drink on Friday but she said she would be too tired for work if she went out on Friday. She wasn’t back in work til Sunday morning. She either is the biggest party animal ever or wasn’t interested...I’m assuming the latter. Don’t read my name but give me a MacSweeney Beanie? Please?” – yes, ok
Morning shifty , that incredible line aways comes into mind from fr Ted.... I use it daily as a reference 😂😂 @sweetpmac pic.twitter.com/yf53iRMI4k
— damien grimes (@DamoGrimes) May 9, 2017
