“Good morning Paula! I was trapped in a lift here in Dubai yesterday for a full 15 minutes, and the only thing I could talk about to the 2 ladies in the lift with me was... the weather. Argh!”
Ah, the weather. Always the trusted “small-talk” topic – safe, boring... if you’re Irish. Other nationalities don’t seem to care as much but many of those people are spoiled by their warm and dry climates. Feckers.
On the subject of small-talk though; why do we do it? Why can’t we just say nothing rather than fill that golden silence with inane ramblings that nobody cares about? (And I count myself in this; guilty as charged.)
Other topics other people, particularly the listeners of the Early Breakfast, don’t want to hear about are:
- “Paula boring conversations? I sit next to a girl in work who never stops talking about her child. He’s 8 and I’m sure he’s a lovely kid but he’s not MY kid – I don’t really care!” – Cara
- “Ew, people who talk about the gym the whole time – fitfam, lifts, squats. Get lost!” – Dee in Carlow
- “People who talk about every ache and pain.” – Seamus
- “Morning Paula I collect milk from farmers. They are obsessed with the weather, and there’s only so much weather I can talk about!”
- “Paula I was in a taxi at the weekend and I didn’t need to worry about small talk. The driver talked about his daughter who is in Leaving Cert year the whole way. He’s pride in her matched my boredom of the conversation.”
- “Can you tell people nobody cares about what their dreams were about? Unless I’m in them, doing something outrageous, leave it out!”
- “Paula can you tell my flatmate I don’t care how many steps she’s done on her FitBit. I do more than her most days and I don’t go on about it.” – Des
- “ Paula. Ever try working beside someone who doesn't speak for 8 hours... After a few months of trying, you just give up and it's bloody awful. Considering we work at a sales counter, it's particularly awkward. “ - From Briano
- “Paula I dodge my neighbour and her slimming world talk. It makes me bored and feel bad for what I may have eaten that day. “
- “My sister is getting married and I watched a girl we went to school with actively escape her boring wedding talk on Saturday night. It was funny! Better not give my name, she listens to the show!”
@sweetpmac know a guy who talks about his macros in every meal. Holy jesus. Good to be healthy living and all but come ooonnnn.
— Jerry Lane (@imjerrylane) October 25, 2017
Maybe we’re all so bad at small talk because of THIS:
- “Paula, Re my Nokia phone. I bought a smart phone a couple of years ago, which is in the glove box of my van. I was wasting so much time on social media. I now have a tablet at home to look at stuff for a few minutes in the evenings. I think smart phones have ruined lunch time at work; no-one talks to each other as they're just glued to their screens!” - Jim
Aaaand finally, some lift puns to LIFT your spirits pahahahaha:
- “Morning Paula. I don't like lifts, I take steps to avoid them!” - Del, on the way to work in Norn Iron
- “Paula - I used to work as a lift attendant years ago. Nice job and easy to do, you meet so many people. But it's very up and down.” - Niall in Tipp
- “Paula - stuck in a lift with a woman for half hour. She was feeling low. Did my best to elevate-or!” - John from Tralee on way to Ennis.
- “Sweet P, do you know one of the main lift companies in Ireland is Schindler. True story - Schindlers Lifts! You can't make that up!” - Andy
