Kids. They have to be your own, don't they? There's an ad on TV and radio at the moment and the line "But Mammy, you said you have better things to be doing than making cakes for that silly wagon" gets me every time! They let you down at the worst moments and they can be savage AF.
Have a read below of times children made your life (hilariously) miserable:
- “Paula, I was food shopping with my daughter who was 2. She's sitting in the trolley and starts squinting one eye and yelling "Arrrrr" like a pirate. I turned around to pick up something off the shelf and see a man behind me wearing an eye-patch.”
- “Morning Paula. Messing one morning I gave the wife and playful slap on the ass. That evening, we were queuing for Santa and the elf chatting to the kids asks, were mummy and daddy good? The youngest says; no my daddy slapped mammy this morning. I wanted the ground to swallow me up!” - Darragh in the Scania
- “Paula my child came home from school and proudly showed me what she had done that day. She had to draw a picture of someone she loves. She chose me, which was lovely but I asked what was I doing and she regaled me with exactly what she told the teacher; this is my mammy. She likes wine and chocolate and shopping.”
- “Morning Paula, I was putting money into the parking machine at Drogheda train station 2weeks ago when a friend called my name, and as we were chatting, my 6 year old son got out of my car and came over to us and said; Dad, you farted in the car so I had to get out. I was mortified!” - Shane in Drogheda
- “Paula, this was when I was a child. My mother was in Oklahoma in the local musical. I was about 3. The theatre was packed. My mother came on stage...Hi Mammy!! Hi Mammy!! Hi Mammy!! Why won't she say hi to me!!?! My mortified mother had to stop, say hello to me and then continue with the scene!” - Larry from Waterford
- “Hi Paula out food shopping with my niece and she says Emmet look at the woman with the big boobs! The woman started laughing and needless to say, I was mortified!” - Emmet in Cavan
- “Once while on train and running really late, my three-year-old started pointing and really loudly shouting out "fat controller" and when I turned around, there is a really angry looking, rather heavy set man collecting the tickets so yeah pretty mortifying!”
- “Hi Paula, we were in a hotel and my 2 year old daughter was walking around as kids do. Next we see her standing beside another group of people and moving her two hands together with fingers and thumbs all over the place. It was then we realised that the people at the table were deaf and were signing and my daughter decided to copy them, as she always copied the person on the telly when the news for the deaf was on. I was so embarrassed until the people started laughing!” - Phil
- “Hi Paula. My wife, a secondary teacher, met some of her senior female students during holidays one day, accompanied by our three year old daughter. I was watching from the car nearby. After a minute, they all started laughing and looking in my direction. Apparently, when one of the girls had asked my daughter where her Daddy was and the reply was; He is outside. And he has a willie!” - Kevin
- “My 2 year old motor boated my wife's best friend in Tesco. Hilarious!”
- “Paula my daughter used to pretend bellybuttons were doorbells and she’d pretend to press them and say “ding dong” – she called them ding dongs. One day I heard her telling the neighbours that her daddy had a hairy ding dong. MORTO!”
- “I brought my little brother to the cinema when he was very young and when we were up getting tickets he asked the girl behind the counter for Cockporn instead of Popcorn.” - Jimmy in Mullingar
- “Good morning Paula. Back in May I was at an in-laws funeral. I had my 2 and half year old daughter with me. There was a quiet bit in mass. A seagull landed at high windows to which my daughter shouted Daddy look at the duck, Quack Quack! Thankfully everyone around us just laughed!” - Keith in Athlone
- “My sister in law was helping her husband putting down a new path around her house which involved her using a whacked plate machine to compress the stones down. Her daughter went to school on the following Monday morning and the teacher asked the class about what they had done at the weekend to which she replied, mummy was vibrating all weekend!” - Mark from Armagh
- “Paula when he was small, my young lad this habit of pulling down his pants when he was upset. It's funny in a family context but not so much at the airport!”
- “My little cousin, yelling "When do we plant her?" in church at a funeral, referring to the dead aunt. At least we had fun trying not to laugh!”
- “Hey Paula was clothes shopping recently with my 3 year old when he started shouting at the top of his voice holding a bra saying here mama for your big boo boos!”
- “Hi Paula. My son loves planes and so we go to the airport to watch them. One day the patrol keep was out setting off the banger to keep the birds away which I explained to my then 6 year old. The next day we were there he very curiously asked me, Dad where's the man that bangs all the birds in the jeep?! I nearly choked. Good morning!” - Sean
- “When I was younger a guy called Joe Bloggs (for the purpose of this story) called to the house. As my dad went to answer the door my mother asked, who is it? My father replied, it's just that bollix Joe Bloggs again! The following week he called again and I was asked to get my father for him. I screamed down the hallway, Dad someone at the door for you! Who is it, he asked to which I replied, it's just that bollix Joe Bloggs again!” - Stephen from Cavan
- “Hi Paula few years ago my nephew and I were at my NEW bosses house with his family at the front of their mansion, and when we turned around there was nephew’s bare bum. He was being potty trained and had to go he just went! We still laugh at it!” - Pa out for run in Limerick
- “Morning Paula, my mate was in a tile and bathroom shop one day buying stuff for his new house when he turned around to see his young lad sitting on one of the display toilets doing his business...he just picked him up and ran out the door leaving a serious stink behind him!” - Brian
- “Hi Paula love your show, you make me laugh every morning on the road from Galway to Dublin. Anyways one day I was at home having a wee and my 3 yr old daughter bursts in – what’s that daddy?! Anyway no mention of what she’d seen again until 3 weeks after, we were at a pet farm having lunch sitting beside these strangers. My daughter has a teddy she brings everywhere and she rubs the tag (which is on the teddy’s bum) off her nose. This lovely woman sitting across from us says, isn't that a lovely teddy, and is that his tail? To which she replies yep and my daddy has a tail as well. Oh god floor please open!”
- “Morning Paula. At a big family meal, my sister, 21 announced she was pregnant. Youngest sister, 6, cried, but you're not married! Morto!” - Paul in Maynooth
- “Hi Paula, when I was about 3 I saw a Franciscan Friar for the first time and I said to my mum, look mum it's a nun with a beard! My mum didn't know where to look.” - Michele in Rathcoole
- “My brother was always pointing out different types of people and shouting, so Mam a tried to explain to us that people are different, some are tall, short, fat, thin etc. Anyway, seeing a neighbour, my brother yelled out: Mammy, that lady can't help being so big and fat, can she? It's just how she was made! She's still our neighbour and my mam is STILL embarrassed about it, 20+ years later!”
- “Hi Paula, my 16 month old managed to set fire to the hair of a waitress while she was leaning over to pick up some of the finished plates. He grabbed her hair pulling her down towards the table where there was a candle. Her hair made contact with it and went up in a puff of smoke - there was incredible excitement in the restaurant while we were trying to put out her hair. I have never been so embarrassed and needless to say she got a very nice tip!” -John in Laois
- “In a changing room with my 3 yr old. It was crowded on a Saturday, so there were dozens of people within ear shot. My son pointed at my stretch marks and shouted, Mammy! You've got stripes on your belly! Tiger stripes Then he roared at me at the top of his lungs until we exited the bathroom. ARGH!”
- “Paula, once I was in a toilet cubicle in a busy shopping centre with my toddler. Once he was finished going to the toilet I said, now shake your willy, before I pulled up his pants and then sure I said look I'll go while here. When I was finished at the top is his voice, Mam don't forget shake your willy! I walked out to a bathroom full of people sniggering!! Morto!”
My then 2 yo, when I was pregnant with his bro, asking in his loudest voice, DOES THAT MAN HAVE A BABY IN HIS TUMMY TOO? 🙊
— Paula Voiseux (@paulavois) August 2, 2017
Sister is a singing teacher for tots-they have to sing their news using 3 notes. One week in perfect do re mi:🎶my mum & dad were fiiighting🎶
— Hvmmingbyrd (@hvmmingbyrd) August 2, 2017
