Whilst there may have been the shadow of a hint of a chance we could write last week off to the effects of a Celebrations overdose, for those of us back in work the inescapable reality is very very inescapable and well...real.
For those of us that work in an office, the benefits are legion. You get to have a laugh with you workmates....and....well...there’s usually a kettle for tea.
That said, one of grim downsides of doing biznezz in an office these days can be having to encounter office jargon. In the hands of a skilled bluffer, jargon can be used to deceive and distract in equal measure and is the equivalent of laying blocks with toothpaste.
We infiltrated some meetings here in Marconi House and jotted down some of our own personal ‘favourites’ so why not alleviate the eye watering tedium of your next meeting by playing ‘Buzzword Bingo’ with some of the following monstrosities.
1. ‘Let’s touch base’
One of the many dreadful examples of a sporting term being corralled into our working lives, this comes from baseball where the runners need to touch the base to make a run legal. Whatever happened to ‘Sure we’ll see what the craic is later Nuala’.
2. ‘Run it up the flagpole’
The only thing that needs to be run up a flagpole is any clown who utters this nonsense.
3. ‘Let’s drill down into this idea’
The only thing that needs to....you get the idea.
4. ‘Blue sky thinking’
The Conor McGregor of meaningless muck, this classic is the worst for many reasons but to put blue skies into the minds of your colleagues whilst they are stuck in a grey office listening to that sh*te is an act of careless cruelty.
5. Let’s action that asap’
Action is NOT a verb. Please use the word do before I ‘action’ my foot up your backside.
6. ‘Let’s go offline with this!’
In a testament to how idiotic things have become, we’re still not entirely sure what this means but we believe it’s an invite to have an actual conversation with somebody.
7. ‘Think outside the box’
If all the other jargon had a poster on their wall it would be of this legend.
8. ‘We'd better not let the grass grow too long on this one’
There only 3 instances where this phrase is acceptable.
1. You’re a farmer
2. You’re a groundskeeper at a high end sports facility.
3. You’re nagging your partner about the lawn.
9. ‘Let’s kick this around a bit’
We’ve a better idea about what needs to be ‘kicked around a bit’!
10. ‘Synergy’
There’s a reason the jargon jugglers on The Apprentice use this as an inspirational team name.
Have we missed any? If so why not action some into the blue sky and we’ll drill down into the outside box.
